


Catalyst

by Meri



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: M/M, Yuletide 2011
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-18
Updated: 2011-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-27 12:08:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meri/pseuds/Meri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it only takes one moment for things to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catalyst

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ceares](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceares/gifts).



> Note 1: Ceares I hope this is at least somewhat what you were hoping for. Happy Holidays!  
> Note 2: Thanks to my wonderful beta B.H. She rocks.

The restaurant that Laura had suggested they try was upscale, fancy, with smart white tablecloths and elegant dishes. She'd said the food was good.

Robbie still had dinner with her now and again, not what anyone could call dating, and truth was, that ship had sailed some time ago. He didn't regret it. They were friends, him and Laura. He thought she might still be dating Franco, who had come back to Oxford six or so months ago.

The restaurant was surprising, however, and he didn't mean the decor. While there were couples who were clearly heterosexual, there were some who were clearly not. It didn't bother him, of course, but he wondered if Laura were trying to tell him something. And if she were, what it was.

"Tell me again why we're here?" he asked. Because if she _were_ trying to tell him something, it wasn't getting through.

She smiled faintly. "I've heard the food is excellent. But if you're uncomfortable, we don't have to stay." And clearly that would disappoint her.

Given everything, he wasn't uncomfortable. It was just that he'd noticed. "If the food is good, it won't matter."

Laura nodded and picked up her menu. "There's a pub on the other side."

"Gay?" He tilted his head a bit.

With a sigh, she put down the menu. "Mixed. Mostly. Or so I've heard. I haven't been."

"Would you go there?" he asked carefully. It was possible he didn't know everything about Laura.

But she just shrugged. "For a drink? Maybe. For anything else. Unlikely."

"Then why here?" There was something here, he could feel it, but Laura was shaking her head and giving him a slightly disappointed look.

"As I said, the food is good," she said. "Robbie, let's just go. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable," he said, probably too strongly, but this was starting to annoy him. Why would she even think otherwise. "I don't care about that. Or what other people get up to. Let's eat."

"You're sure?" Laura met his eyes.

He saw nothing in them that would tell him she was being anything other than honest. "I'm curious about the food now."

"All right then."

The food, when it arrived, was in fact very good. Almost good enough to convince him that it _could_ be the reason Laura wanted to come here. But something still didn't add up. It was like an itch he couldn't quite scratch.

He excused himself to go to the gents, and on the way back, he couldn't quite resist the urge to take a look in the pub. It was smoky and dim, and the music pulsed. The dance floor was crowded with couples, many same sex, but just as many that were mixed.

As Robbie looked into the room, the smoke seemed to part and he saw James. There was no mistaking him -- too tall, too thin and too blond to be anyone else. He was dancing with an older man with dark hair. Dancing very closely, leaning into the man, his eyes closed, rocking to the music. He looked lost to everything around him.

Time froze in that second. Robbie tried to breathe and couldn't. The smoke in the room had to be what was wrong with him. It had to be.

With his eyes still closed, James leaned down and kissed the man, his hands moving to the man's face to hold him gently.

The floor seemed to fall out of the room, and Robbie felt like he was floundering. He closed his eyes as his whole body tightened with something he couldn't... wouldn't name. His blood pounded in his veins and some primal part of him wanted to push the man away. How dare anyone touch what was his?

His?

Oh, sweet mother of God, where had _that_ come from?

Wherever that might have come from, and really, he probably could guess, now was not the time for an in depth analysis of his feelings for James.

He should leave. He should turn around and walk away and pretend this never happened. He should move. He should do something other than stand there like an idiot. It wasn't as if he hadn't known about James. Even with the whole deflection of Loaded and the Yorkie Bar in the early years, and the few women James had admitted to, there had always been this... Robbie didn't even know how to describe it, but he knew that James was aware of other men on a sexual level.

It was also clear that James wasn't going to talk about it. Not that James talked about anything. Not that he did, either.

As if he sensed he was being watched, James broke the kiss and looked up. Right at Robbie. And his eyes widened comically.

Robbie's heart stopped. Heat pooled in his groin. He needed to move. Now. Otherwise he might explode.

James' partner put a hand on his face, and tried to nudge him back into the kiss, but James wasn't having any of it. He stopped dancing and put both hands on his partner's shoulders, pushing him away, slowly. The man said something to him and James shook his head and walked away. In the opposite direction from Robbie, too.

That broke the moment and after a shake of his head, Robbie hurried away.

"I was just about to send out a search party. Where did you get off to?" Laura smiled as he sat back down.

His hands were shaking and he needed to take a breath before he could speak. "I saw James in the pub."

"Oh, is he going to join us?" She said it as if she hoped he would. But she didn't seem all that surprised that James was in the pub.

"No. Did you know he was going to be here?" Robbie asked.

She gave him a look that said she didn't know what he was on about. "Of course not. If I had, I would have asked him to join us."

"He was busy with a..." Robbie hesitated only for a second. "Friend."

"All right, then?" Her tone was solicitous. As if she thought that James being with someone might be a problem for him.

"Of course." And that was all he was going to say about that. It was his turn, so he paid the check.

* * *

James was sitting on his doorstep when he got home, his arms wrapped round himself shivering with the cold.

"Well, you might as well come in," Robbie said opening the door. They would have to talk about this. He needed to convince James this was not going to be a problem for him. Maybe he needed to convince himself, too.

"Right, sir," James said, getting to his feet and following him into the flat.

"Drink?" Robbie thought they would both need it.

"Please." James sat down on the sofa.

"Why did you leave like that?" Robbie asked, handing James his drink.

James contemplated the contents of his glass for a long moment before he drank down half of it. "I was surprised to see you there."

"It's not like you to run away --"

"I know. All right. I don't want to talk about it."

"Then why turn up here at all?" Because Robbie was having a hard time understanding where James was coming from on this one.

James took a breath and rubbed his hand across his face. "I didn't want you to misunderstand."

"Misunderstand what? That you're gay after all?" He hadn't meant for it to come out as an accusation. He _was_ fine with James' choices.

"I'm not. Gay, that is."

Robbie snorted. "I saw you kissing a man. That's pretty conclusive evidence." And then he added, "It's all right."

"It wasn't what --"

"You are not seriously going to try and tell me it's not what it looks like, are you? " Robbie just shook his head. He couldn't believe James sometimes.

"All right. Yes, I did, in fact, kiss Michael, but that doesn't mean I'm gay so much as bisexual." He said it all in a rush of clipped words as if it were vitally important that he make Robbie understand.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that gender doesn't enter into my dating decisions."

Gay Robbie could understand. Straight he could understand. Both at the same time seemed...excessive. But trust James to make it complicated. This wasn't going the way Robbie had hoped. He made a conscious effort to relax. "I suppose it gives you the most options for company on a Saturday night."

James' laugh was bitter. "You'd think that wouldn't you? Are we done now? I'm tired." He pushed himself to his feet.

For some reason, Robbie didn't want James to leave just yet. Not until they had settled this.

"You never said why you came by," Robbie said. It was too sharp. Too nervous. But damn it all, he wanted James to stay.

"I just wanted to make sure --" He shrugged.

"I wasn't upset to have seen you in the pub?" He wasn't. But how to convince James of that?

James wasn't looking at him. "Something like that."

"I wasn't. Maybe a bit surprised. But it's not as if I didn't know. "

"I should go." James finally made eye contact.

And dear Lord what was in his eyes. It made Robbie's gut go warm inside. Maybe he wasn't sure what it was yet, but it was something he wanted. "You know you don't have to go. We could..." God, he had no idea what they could do.

That got a smile. "Talk?"

"Yeah, why not?" Robbie wasn't ready to give up, just the opposite in fact.

James looked down at his hands. "What is there to say?"

"I don't know. That's what I'm asking you." Robbie didn't know where to even begin. But it was becoming clear that he did want to begin. Something had been there between them, ignored for a really long time, and clearly it wasn't going to be ignored anymore.

And James knew it, too. Robbie would bet his pension that James wanted it. He met James eyes. "You've thought about it?"

A hundred different emotions crossed James' face: shock, disbelief, and tentative hope amongst them. "Yeah. A bit."

Some part of Robbie wanted to joke about _rowing a bit_ but maybe that wouldn't do right now. "And?"

"I thought it unlikely."

"That I... Or you?"

"Either. Both. Neither." He looked confused. "What are you asking me?"

It was going to come down to him, wasn't it? And Robbie knew this could make or break them. Spelling it out was likely to be humiliating if he were wrong. It might even cost him his job. But it was also clear that James wasn't going to say it.

Robbie shrugged. He'd be the one to see this through. "Are you?" He cleared his throat. "Interested?"

The answer came immediately and succinctly. "Yes, sir."

"Let's lose the sir, then."

"Too hard to break the habit." James finished his glass and held it out with a slightly shaking hand. "Another?"

Robbie doubted he was in any better shape. "You know where the bottle is."

"So I do." He poured himself another drink and retook his seat next to Robbie on the sofa.

For several long moments, they didn't have anything else to say.

"Maybe I should go." At least James sounded reluctant.

"If you want." Robbie's stomach was churning. He was nervous. Whatever else this was, it was going to be completely out of his experience.

James looked at him with that somber gaze he had. "What options are there?

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the look in James eyes right now, or maybe it was remembering how he'd felt watching James kiss that other man, Robbie didn't know. "What's on offer?" he asked, pitching his voice low.

He almost laughed at the expression on James' face.

"Whatever you want," James answered back in the same tone that Robbie had used. And it was clear that he meant it.

His tone slid so very pleasantly over Robbie's nerves. He hadn't had time to work through the possibilities and the possible pitfalls. And there were many of each.

"Or not." James started to get up.

Robbie put a hand on his arm. "Wait. Give me a minute to process this. It's a bit new."

"Is there something that I can do to help?" James moved slightly closer. "Did you like what you saw earlier this evening?"

He put his hand on Robbie's shoulder and nudged him closer still. James was going to kiss him.

Robbie's heart sped up. He couldn't recall the last time he'd been this nervous about a kiss. Years, at least.

His eyes were open as James' mouth settled softly on his. The sweetness made him close his eyes to savor it. James' tongue slid across his lips, and Robbie opened his mouth without a second thought.

Damn, it was lovely. Nothing like what he'd thought kissing a man might be like. It was a bit like what kissing Val had been like early on, before they'd really got to know each other.

That he didn't feel guilty thinking about her told him what he needed to know. He knew, without question, she'd be asking what took him so long. Robbie leaned back and moved his hand along James' cheek.

James leaned into the touch, murmuring softly.

With a twist of his hips and some manhandling, James arranged them so that Robbie was lying on his back and James was on top of him.

The position should have troubled him more. And if it didn't then what was pressing against his thigh should certainly have done.

Instead, Robbie canted his hips up and James pressed down. Heat surged between them. Robbie stopped caring about anything other than the press of James' hips and the taste of his mouth.

Wonderful sensations washed over and over him, and Robbie gave himself up to it, reveling in the feelings, reveling in the rightness of this. James in his arms was something he hadn't allowed himself to contemplate before it happened. Now that it had, he was delighted with the results.

He came, moaning out James name. A moment later, James came as well.

And then it was over and the ridiculousness of the situation hit him. He couldn't help a laugh.

"That was not the reaction I was hoping for," James said tartly.

"Look at us, lad. We've just --" Robbie laughed again.

"And not so much with the lad, either." But it looked like he was holding back a smile.

"Then, James, we've made a mess of our clothes."

"Among other things."

"Indeed. What would you like to do about it?"

"I was thinking of using your bath and then getting into your bed. Does that suit, sir?"

"I told you, not so much with the 'sir' at times like these," Robbie said. But it was a reminder that they would have to talk about many things if they were going to make this work. For now, however, they should get cleaned up. "Go on then. I'll go after."

"What if we went together?" And there was a light in James' eyes that Robbie liked a lot.

"I'm thinking that we'd not get very clean."

"Possibly. But it might be fun all the same."

"It might."

James stood and held out his hand for Robbie. When he was on his feet, James embraced him, and kissed him, and Robbie knew no matter how complicated things got, it would all work out.

-finis  
12/14/2011


End file.
